::Sprinted 400m with my bag and faulty shoes to chase down bus 54 today. Damn cool to run so fast even with a 12 kg bag and actually reach the bus just barely on time. Was having a super super high heartbeat thereafter. I think it's quite bad for my body, but since the damage is done, I can't really do anything right now right? Hahaz. Was sleeping on the bus until I reached the stop, where the bus driver was desperately trying to wake me up in vain at first because I was RIGHT BEHIND him, as in you know those seats which people rarely sit on? Yup. I was sitting there. Don't ask me why. Hahaz. I just felt like doing it, plus most people wouldn't try to sit next to me there because most people wouldn't like to sit there.

Ranting! Hahaz.

Actually reached home by 6+.

Stressed by the heavy workload and all. I mean... Try going abroad and back twice, killing 4 weeks, together with another 3 weeks killed due to SRP and SYO rehearsals and noteworthy concert. With that, my CTs were completely crap because I didn't do a single tutorial nor did I actually study really much for the CTs. So basically I was in deeeeeep shit. Hahaz. Yup. An OBOE. Hahaz.

Listening to Corrinne May now. Hahaz. Really good singer, but I guess her image could improve. I guess you can't be exactly perfect all the time can you? Hahaz. I've seen very few true all-rounders, other than those you would call "pure endomorphs". =P

I can cry over her music I tell you. It's so emotional. I guess that's what really touches a lot of people's heart. Interesting how being swinging single completely kills some emotions in your body because of fear of rekindling passion.

Does anyone care to guess what's going on in my head?

Piano exam's on 25th August. And learning to relax REALLY helped me get through the lessons very well. Hahaz. I have to thank my teacher for that. She's really good. =) Hahaz. After that I could actually play the violin much better because learning to relax is what I should do.

Quite an irony. I always asked some people to relax even though they're not uptight or angry or anything, yet I can never relax. I guess the greatest sinners are the best advisors, for they know what's wrong. They're experienced it so much that it doesn't really matter already.

If your body aches, and your heart's empty, what do you use to keep you going on? Many people found religion as a great way of cleansing themselves of their sins, finding strength to continue in life due to various reasons. I guess the truth I have to say about it is that no matter what religion you choose, no matter what trouble you meet up, it's all within your capabilities to draw strength from wherever you wish, and stand up. It's just whether you're able to find the key. I've found mine. I've lasted without a religion(much to many people's shock) for all 7 years of my hardship years. Some might scoff and say that I'm an idiot not to believe in what they believe, but I guess I never really found the reason to believe in what they do, because I have depended very much on my own means to find my way.

I still remember a really wise senior of mine once commented that it's really hard to do proper philosophy without having an anchor of religion or any sort. But I found out where I anchored, and where I stand on this land. I found my anchor in me, and where I stand would be a small particle flying about everywhere, in search of the truth, wisdom and love.

I guess religion is one form of anchor. But I found another. I had found something within me, so resilient, that even if my body were to be torn into pieces, emotions running amok, it'll lead me back to it and form me once again. That something is my heart. =)

I rarely found anyone reaching a certain intellectual level without ever having a religion on their backs before. It's so hard to reach that level. I still have no idea where I stand, but I hope I'll be able to reach there on my own. "Taking the more trecherous route" might prove more worthwhile when I reach a new level in understanding, for my sights would have far exceeded that which I may see if I had taken the easy way, for trial and error, teaches what's wrong and what's right, and what sins I would prefer to commit than avoid. Such is the way I lead my life. I walk on this road.

I look up ahead at the rest of my life with dread, anticipation, excitement, nervousness, fear and immense curiosity. Only time will reveal me, those around me, and the truth that lies beneath all of humanity.::

.:Seow Yi Zhe blogged on 7/26/2005 06:36:00 PM:.
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